my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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