I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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