May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
