Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
