Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
