The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
