nut hugger
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
