hell yes lets make some ravioli
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I want her autograph on my taint
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
