I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
is it fun? or sober?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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