You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
