i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
