it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
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