Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
