Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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