Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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