My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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