I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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