i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
