The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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