Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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