rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
40s are totally the cure
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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