im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
