i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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