Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
