WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
