Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
