she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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