i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We need to rekindle our bromance
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
