Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
