batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
