I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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