How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
