Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
