That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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