So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
