peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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