This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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