Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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