I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
