just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
