I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
