I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
