I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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