I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
