Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
