Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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