Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
