He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
