last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
