Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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