im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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