i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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