Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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