he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
