Having a random hookup so left but love u
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
