i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
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