I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I bet he comes in French.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
