U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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