So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
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